Suggestion Box

Earlier today, I checked the library suggestion box.

    Don't ever check the library suggestion box. Just let the damn thing sit there and get full. When it's full, take it to the back, further back past the circulation librarian's office, past the technical services desk, past the table with tape all over it because that's how you fix books. Take it to the back dark corner of the workroom and set it down.

    Next you need a metal trash can. If you do not have a metal trash can, can you even call yourself a library?

    Take the metal trash can and drag it over to the dark corner in the back of the library. If there is anything in the metal trash can not worth burning, take it out.

    Start a fire with your library-issued chrome lighter. Use what you can, but make it hot and make it burn. Broken pallets work best or pine wood for scent.

    When the yellow and orange cleansing bath has been drawn, pick up the suggestion box. Hold it tight and close to the flames. Lid out, at an angle, open the box.

    There may be a force from the escaping suggestions. Allow the box to cradle in your arm, much like a baby attempting to get down but a baby that needs to eat. Eat baby, eat, you say as you tip the open suggestion box forward to the fire.

    When you are done, feel free to return the box to the circulation desk. It's presence makes people feel better. As if they are being listened to.

If you have a question or comment for the library, reach out to us on our contact page, twitter, or email. Never Facebook or its hell spawn Instagram. Or maybe.