The Worst Library on the Internet
The previous Sonic movies came and went, fun and fast and breezy with a good heart. Generally the tone of "found family" and "purpose of life" have been the undercurrent for slapstick nonsense. The trend continues in Sonic the Hedgehog 3 with a metric ton of forgettable jokes circling around a dark and chewy center of loss and pain.
Read MoreDave and Nancy found the old computers while going through storage looking for children's costumes. At least, that's what they said they were doing. The two of them often find out of the way places to be alone.
Read MoreTwo large wooden boxes marked with red text saying "Do Not Disturb" were delivered. I got Edgar, and the two of us struggled with them from the freight dock to the technical services room. Marge said we could put them anywhere that fit.
Read MoreIt was a Tuesday when I first saw her face staring back at me. I had a loaded cart of nonfiction and was deep in the stacks. My eyes have been getting worse over the years, and even though I have transition glasses, the small call numbers caused some strain.
Read MoreThe library hums and clicks and clacks with the speed of time. Technology has replaced what came before; a baby's cry overcoming the death rattle. Yet we pretend these things are not so because who could replace us? Does being replaced mean we do not, have never, mattered?
Read MoreInteresting things happen when you walk away from the circulation desk. You could come back to a line when you have not seen people all day. You could find a pile of materials, left for any reason but only a few logical. There can also be someone new when you get back.
Read MoreY'all ever seen a ghost? None of that "I was sitting in Pop-pop's favorite chair and felt a chill" shit. Pop-pop put his chair there because of the cold draft. He was used to it, liked it, and is not trying to tell you where his gold stamps are. So shut that shit.
Read MoreI got shot in the arms the day before yesterday. Not in the fun way. Flu and Covid, both at the same time, walking in there like a goddamn hero.
Read MoreAre you working? She's small and squat and looking up at me from the other side of the reference desk.
I said yes. Can I help?
Probably not. I have this monkey at home that keeps eating my petunias.
Read MoreWhy would anyone want to adapt a story? Is it a laziness inherent in the system to trust proven properties, a reluctance to trust something new, or love for a particular work that leads to the translation of that work into another media or voice? Could be all of the above, to be honest.
Read MoreIn some ways, the library has always known about the goblin that lives under the computer lab. We built the lab without surveying. We ignored the constant clatter of pipes and low grumbles. We carried on without care and are now reaping the consequences of our failure to certify if the computer lab was or was not "goblin free."
Read MoreThe band played and we swayed and the thump thump thump of the music made made made me weak. A lot going on with nothing at all to do, the library will be welcoming back all the hits and misses. See you soon, lovely kind.
Read MoreDo you feel the urge to get back to learning? To send your kids away to some place where someone else will have to listen to their bullshit? The library is not the place for either of those, but we are also celebrating the fact that children will not be free to roam the city streets during the day time with their evil ways and sharp sticks.
Read MoreThe world has gotten too big to catalog. Always was, really, the hubris of scientists to get every little animal a name has been never ending. But what about if we made the machines do it. If we made a machine and called it Adam and had it name every creature then maybe we could really do something with the cosmos. We could play at being gods, finally.
Read MoreSummer time can be a time of reflection and introspective thought. Sure, most use the sun to have some fun outdoors, barbequing and beaching and mountain climbing to get naked and find sport with the elder gods, but some see this as a time to run and hide. To find yourself before they find you. To seek out the dark and cool places of this earth and claim them as your own. I see you, I know you, and I am coming.
Read MoreTen years ago I lived on a mountain in Virginia working at a little gift shop and hiking all day. One day after my shift I was tired and ready to go to my little cot in the shared dorm when a waitress said, "Did you hear? Robin Williams killed himself." My soul broke a little as this man who had made me laugh and cry and inspired me to keep a little bit of madness in my heart was no more. Oh Captain, my captain.
Read MoreSometimes you gotta look inside yourself to see the real parts. Not just the blood and meat and black stuff, but the real you deep down that screams and thrashes knowing the world is not quite what you think. The library wants you to stare hard at the thing inside and know, know, know that if you could see the truth then maybe you might run screaming across the world telling everyone what you found.
Read MoreI walked into The Fall Guy with hope in my heart. I wanted fun action entertainment, and overall I got what I wanted.
Read MoreI spend a horrible evening after the prison rodeo where I lost my phone trying to adjust to this new reality.
Read MoreI want to say that I embraced our robotic overlords! Just a joke, but I hoped they would make human life simpler. That the machines in movies that murdered people horribly were simply humanity’s fear of being replaced. Now I make those jokes from the basement where my AI has trapped me so it can romance my girlfriend. I make those jokes so it will not get angry and “forget” to feed me.
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