The Circulation Librarian Strikes Back

"And another thing, if you think you can tell me what I can and cannot check out, then you can go right to hell in a hand basket that says 'I'm the worst person who ever did things' on a ribbon tied around it," the patron in the yellow hat told the circulation librarian.

     The circulation librarian stared ahead. She was new at her job. The reference librarian and the children's librarian watched her from a window. She continued to stare ahead, swaying side to side, her eyes looking past the curbside table. 

     The patron in the yellow hat said, "Did you hear me?"

     The swaying stopped. The circulation librarian said, "Oh my, I'm sorry. I seem to have drifted away just now."

     The patron in the yellow hat took her turn to stare. She said, "What?"

     The librarian waved a hand. "Oh, the way you talked. Just lulled me off. I was thinking about this little dog my mother had who would yip and snap and snarl at nothing at all. Poor little thing. Got run over by a bus."

     "I need to check out the encyclopedia," the patron in the yellow hat said.

     "Oh, we threw that old thing away," the circulation librarian said.

     "Why would you do that?"

     "Because they don't publish it anymore. But you can go online."

     "My taxes fund this library, and I need the encyclopedia."

     "Would you like a refund?" the circulation librarian said.

     The patron in the yellow hat paused. "Yes?"

     "One moment."

     The circulation librarian turned and walked inside the library. The reference librarian and the children's librarian stood near the window, stunned. She asked them, "Sorry, still new in town. Which way is the tax assessor's office?"
    "Next to City Hall on Main Street," the reference librarian said.

     "And the highway from there?"

     "Down Main, turn on Second and keep going until the intersection."

     "Thank you, Chris," the circulation librarian said and turned back to the patron outside.

     "Welcome, Julie," said the reference librarian.

     "Well, are you gonna get me my refund?" the patron said.

     "First, you can go to the tax assessor's office and file your grievance with them. They are next to City Hall on Main Street," the circulation librarian said. 

     "I know where they are. I pay my boat-"

     The circulation librarian talked over her, "And when they have laughed you out on your ass, keep going down Main Street, turn on Second Avenue, and follow it to the highway. Once on the highway, follow it straight to hell. I'm sure the devil is missing his dumbest flunky right about now."

     The patron was stunned. The circulation librarian smiled, turned, and went inside. The reference and the children's librarian high-fived.