Review: My Secret Valentine (2018) proves that you can have a romance movie without a story

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When Hallmark decided to start making movies, they never knew they would reach such middles. Jesus, let's just get into the plot of this moving picture.

    Here's what we got: A lady gets an offer to take over a restaurant so she goes to her family winery to think it over. Her dad announces that he's selling the winery to big company and big company is sending a dude to oversee the sale. Still with me? So while she's down there, she rents out a cabin to some mystery guy who calls himself "Handyman" on the cabin's chalkboard.

    The mystery Handyman is the slick big company dude in a shock that Meg Ryan would have seen coming.

    Everything about this movie is broken. The romance is standard Hallmark. Two pretty people get together after a while. You'll be fine as long as you don't think too hard about that goddamn chalkboard.

    I mean, how do they keep missing each other to write on that damn thing? This isn't Die Hard with Bruce Willis talking to Rickman on a dead terrorist sweater. It's a cabin in the woods.

    Well, now I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight I'm so pissed off. Thanks, Hallmark.