You'll enjoy Gretel & Hansel (2020) if you can stay awake.
The equivalent of a beautiful museum you would like to take a nap in.
Directed by Oz Perkins (I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House )
Written by Rob Hayes (I Am the Pretty New Gods That Lives in the House)
Starring Sophia Lillis (I Am the Pretty It That Lives in the House ), Samuel Leakey (I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the MotherFatherSon), Charles Babalola (I Am the Legend of Tarzan That Lives in the House
The cinema exists for two reasons: pretty pictures and human stories. A movie at the top of its craft contains both, using the pretty pictures to tell a story we can relate to, to move us to tears, to laughter, and to fright. It's an illusion and one of the purist experiences we have found since the campfire. Gretel & Hansel has a striking look but feels shallow at its heart, not a bad film but one that feels like it is hanging on the bones of a legend.
Gretel and Hansel live a hard life in some kinda medieval European hellhole. Their mother sends them out after trying to kill them, the place they try to get a job tries to whore out Gretel, and the only kind man they meet tells them to walk through a scary ass woods to get to a town that might take them. Then they stumble across a scary ass witch in the woods.
Followed by a voiceover, tons of shaky shots, and an okay synth score Gretel and Hansel find the witch in the woods after some walking. The shots are beautiful and well done, the whole movie a wonderful series of images that are often both disturbing and filled with a warmth. The whole time the movie is just full of a dull, over-told story elements waiting for a twist. That twist is present but comes across more like a re-telling of Eggers's The Witch, making the whole thing a copy of that movie with a fairy tale twist than its own thing.
Overall, I did like the movie, but it just felt off the whole time. I wanted it to be good and it is. It just left me thinking too much about another movie. Watch this movie for its atmosphere but be warned the story goes right where you think it will.
Here are my notes; beware spoilers
All Seeing Eye
Never seen two kids tripping on shrooms before, so I guess I am wrong at saying this movie does something different.
Waiting for Twist
The movie just kept me waiting on the turn between the story of two kids meeting a witch in the woods, and it came when the witch tries to tempt Gretel into becoming a new witch. Or giving up her body or something. Not real sure what the witch's plan was, really, beyond killing and eating Hansel.
Period Dreams
Game of Thrones and Are You There God, It's Me Margaret paved the way for us to see a girl have her period in traumatic ways. So there we have it. I want to say that Sophie Lillis is good here, but she felt so… dull. I dunno. Maybe she needs a director like in It, or better material? Something.
Dull Dialog
The words here just felt flat and lifeless. A first draft right to film or a one-hundredth draft so driven into the ground nothing means anything. Again, I don't know, but it's just off.
Telling Evil Bond Villain Bangs
So the witch has a younger looking self with bangs. Pretty damn good effect, but I kinda wish the old witch would have stayed old. Doesn't seem like she needs help as a younger woman, unless she just wants company, but again I'm not sure.
Snorting and Forehead Touch
It's a good idea to show the brother and sister having a familial connection. It's equally good that it comes back in the end to great effect. It's just so weird at times that it took me out of the movie. The forehead touch would have been enough.
I Hoped Gretel Failed
Am I a bad person that I wanted Gretel to fail her "witch" test, not barbeque Hansel precisely, but take over for the old witch or something? Like I wanted something more bittersweet to connect the familial elements with the harsh environment.