"If that's true, I'll cut you," the reference librarian said holding her best knife in one hand and an axe in the other.

The director nodded, saying, "Yeah, it looks like it might be the case."

"But we need pages," the reference librarian said.

"Not as much as we need computers. Or books."

"But Freddy's the only staff that works both Monday and Sunday."

"They want us closed those days," the director said.

The reference librarian lifted the axe and grunted, pulling it over her shoulder and back. It flew forward across the reference desk and into the corkboard fixed to the wall beside the stairs. She had drawn a small target there and hit it dead center.

"You're getting good at that," the director said.

"Who the fuck is 'they'?" the reference librarian said.

The director shrugged. "Mayor. City council. They said the budget needs to be tightened."

"What about the board of directors?"

"The one with the mayor's wife at the head?"

"Fuck," the reference librarian said. She twisted her body. She brought her arm around in one motion. The knife glinted under the fluorescent lights. A thunk and the blade was embedded next to the axe. She crossed the library and pulled both tools free. "Did they say anything else?"

"They feel that after the staff pay and operating costs are accounted for we would have more money for online programming and electronic materials."

"So all this talk about opening back up, getting people back in here, and we still have to worry about the online shit people are barely watching?" the reference librarian said.

The director said, "Your axe and knife throwing classes are getting tons of hits."

"That's only because Freddy is here to hold the balloons. People keep waiting for the moment I puncture his red-headed ass."

"Somebody say balloons?" the page said from behind the reference desk. He held a box with several dozen balloons about baseball size in a variety of colors.

"Freddy," the reference librarian said, "you're fired."

The page looked at the box of balloons. "But I used all my breath."
"You're not fired. The city is just restructuring and one plan was to reduce the library's personnel and operating budget by reallocating some funds to more digital spaces," the director said.

"He means they're firing your ass," the reference librarian said.

"No, I don't," the director said.

The reference librarian turned to Freddy. "Whatever. You're on the clock right now. Get those balloons over to the corkboard while I turn on the camera. We got a show to do."

The two worked as the library director watched. Once the camera was set up with the reference librarian holding her tools and the page holding balloons, the show was underway.

The librarian said to the camera, "Welcome to the program where you send in your reference questions to get an answer and I throw axes and knives at Freddy. I'm your librarian Chris, and this is 'Axe the Library.' You ready, Freddy?"

"I don't want to go," the page said.

The librarian turned and threw an axe.