Craft: Legacy lacks craft and legacy
Directed and written by Zoe Lister-Jones, starring Cailee Spaeny, Michelle Monaghan, David Duchovny, Zoey Luna, Gideon Adlon, Lovie Simone
Making friends is hard, so when Lily moves to a new town with her mom and falls in with a coven everything seems great. However, things fall apart when the magic they do turns out to have consequences. The only problem with that premise to this sequel to the 90s jam that did not age well, is that the consequences are kinda not there. While the film is well shot, the script and acting are so hit and miss you would think a blind witch was poking at the movie's voodoo doll. Two and a half spells, skip this one and leave the original back in time as well.
Notes, beware spoilers and spooky happenings
Mom and daughter sing a long
Starting your movie with a mom and daughter car sing-along to Alanis Morissette's "Hand in My Pocket" should have made me worried. But I thought, hey that's the young girl (Spaeny) from Bad Times at the El Royal, you liked that. And Michelle Monaghan! What are you doing here?
Duchovny looks bored
I wanted to say "Man, they drug David Duchovny into this" but it's more like "what did they drag Duchovny out from under?" I'll talk about his character more later, but as he's aged the laconic Mulder has just become a dull who could care.
Why school next day?
So Lily and her mom have moved to this new town to live with Duchovny and his sons (and nobody has met? Where's the backstory here? Was this a cruise ship marriage? I feel like I'm missing something important but I was probably on my phone texting how silly this shit is), and she has to go to school the next day? I've moved several times in my life, and no way did I schedule starting something new the day after arriving. What is this movie thing?
Period all over
Biology is a tricky subject, so I'm just gonna say: the actual fuck. The menstrual cycle is a mystery to me as a man who has never had one, but I'm pretty sure by the time it's dripping down a chair you have some idea it's happening. And if this heavy flow day is something to do with the witch stuff, then it never gets brought up again. Not even that weird Hollywood crap about syncing cycles or whatever.
Oblivious hidden room is oblivious
So this movie starts a lot of stuff that gets tossed out. Duchovny's sons and a gay/bi romance are swept away tot he point where I almost don't want to talk about how it really looked like there was a hidden witch door in the house. Unless there was, and then I'm sorry. I was texting about how bored I was.
Detention for throwing dude
While I do not condone violence, I also do not believe a girl less than five feet can physically throw a six foot dude who is facing her back any distance. That he was harassing her, and she got detention is crazy.
Stage 1: telekinesis
I haven't talked about the witch girls (Luna, Adlon, Simone) because other than the welcome diversity of latino, black, and transgender individuals there is nothing to them. The actresses are fine given what they have to work with. Nobody in school likes them, so they get power and… that's it. To compare the first one, each girl had a nemesis or issue they were dealing with that magic helped. Here one girl lights her finger on fire, and they all get sparkle makeup. Also, stage 1 of magic is moving shit with your goddamn mind?! That's X-Men level, not witches in the suburbs level power.
Breaking and hexing
To get back at the detention guy, they break into his house and cast a spell on him. Not get something from him at school, but break and enter his home. These are our good guys.
Editing off fire finger
Just a little nitpick, but there's a point where Tabby blowtorches some graffiti off her locker with her finger. Then, less than five minutes later, she seems to learn she can do this. It feels like noone was paying attention.
Weird cringe confession
Something good! I like that they made the asshat a nice guy. Little too perfect, but whatever it's a silly teen witch movie. His confession of being bi and struggling with that is cringe worthy, but also kinda real and charming. It goes nowhere, but the scene was nice.
Pearls and jacket to bed
Then our heroine, while decked out in full clothes and pearls, takes bi asshat's shirt to bed, casts another spell on him, and jills off with it. Just weird. Wait maybe until bedtime.
If we can't use power responsibility
So bi asshat dies, supposed suicide, and the girls blame Lily because casting a spell to change his personality was bad but making him love her was worse. So they decide, in the most grown up decision I have seen with no worries since never (not even the abortion in Fast Times was arrived at this quickly), the group decides to quit magic cold turkey.
Bad dad
Here's the point where I feel this movie thought it had something good to say, had its heart in the right place, but shit the bed. Duchovny is the bad guy. He married the mom to get Lily, killed bi asshat for man reasons, and is now gonna take Lily's power. Except, other than being a normal dick, he's never seen doing much in the movie to warrant being THE bad guy. Even then, when he snaps after she gets detention, he argues with mom for a while and as far as I can tell does little else. There's supposed to be the message of "women stick together against men" which would have been great, but everything leading up to this felt meandering. It felt like it was playing with the original's "power corrupts" and then zigs at the end to little effect. Weird effect with the very tame burning him alive, too. There's just no horror in this one to earn a bad guy.
She didn't call
Not gonna lie, this is the whole reason I watched this movie. I heard Fairuza Balk was back and wanted to see Nancy again, if not in her crazed glory, then as a mentor figure. But Lily shows up to the hospital (without calling, I'm pretty sure you have to set an appointment instead of just walking in), and we get a quick shot of Balk before credits. I felt cheated and baited to a sequel that will never happen unless Jason Blum gets drunk one night and decides to green light another sequel. And I'll watch that one, too, because as much as I've railed against this movie I really do like supernatural trash dramas. Bring on a follow-up to the Faculty, Rodriquez!
