Shots Fired
I got shot in the arms the day before yesterday. Not in the fun way. Flu and Covid, both at the same time, walking in there like a goddamn hero.
Read MoreNo More Coffee
"I can't smell my coffee," the technical services librarian said from the back of the workroom.
"What was that, Martha?" the children's librarian said.
"My coffee has gone flat," Martha said. She had her nose in the cup that said "Best Effin Motherfucker."
"Coffee tastes fine to me," the children's librarian said. Naomi had just poured herself a fresh cup. She had made the pot, in fact, less than an hour ago.
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CDC's Guide to When You've Been Fully Vaccinated As Interpreted by Library Staff
So you made it to your two appointments for the COVID-19 vaccination! Couldn't make it or bother to even make a curbside library appointment, but you made it for those shots, huh? Good to know. Good to know. Anyway, now that you are somewhat protected from the deadly virus, here's what you can and cannot do, according to the CDC as interpreted by library staff*.
Gather Indoors with Other Vaccinated People
You got a church group and all of you got your shots, well then it's time to meet up. You don't even have to wear masks. Maybe even kiss and hug. Really hold on to these people. Talk about everyone who is not there, like the ones not vaccinated yet and the ones who died after the Christmas Pageant everyone really thought was safe to hold when all the kids came in from other states.
Gather Indoors with Some Unvaccinated People
Got a small group of people that do not qualify for the vaccine yet? It's fine to be around them without masks as long as no one there has an active virus. So load up the car and crash in on your kid and that dumb son-in-law that would not let you around the kids. Make sure to tell him slyly that he could not keep you from your grandbabies. Not any more. Dumb liberal son of a bitch with his "science."
Don't Have to Quarantine if Exposed to the Virus
Did someone in your bible study or that stupid son-in-law come down with COVID-19? Well, don't worry too much. You got a vaccination. You do not have to quarantine or get tested just because someone else got the virus from up there on their high horse. However, if you live in a group scenario (prison from ignoring a restraining order or cult-like barn), you should stay isolated for at least 14 days for the protection of others in your living area.
Don't Be an Asshole About It
Okay, here's where we need to reach some of you. Just because you are suddenly less capable of dying from an easily preventable virus does not mean the rest of us are. So if you do not want to be treated like a teenager having unprotected sex on prom night, please keep a mask on, stay six feet away, and avoid crowds in public, large gatherings, and around people who are unvaccinated and at increased risk. Just imagine you care about other people and are still capable of transmitting the virus, which you should and kinda are.
Stay Away from Crowds
This one is for those in the cheap seats: If you walk into a room and haven't seen five or more people in that room in over a year, leave that fucking room. No large gatherings, vaccinated or not. Don't be an example to stupid people.
Don't Travel
This includes domestic and foreign travel. Guess what? This virus is sneaky and is getting better all the time. Maybe the virus in your little town is not as bad as in your stupid son-in-law's little town. Maybe the virus he's been talking about is worse than what you have been vaccinated against. Now you are a carrier for a virus that may or may not kill everyone you know as you breeze back into Sunday school with baby pictures.
Watch for Symptoms
Feel like beating a dead horse here, but keep on the look out for symptoms of the virus. Just because someone stuck something in your arm does not mean you are safe. You are just safer. Think of being safe like a seat belt on a car. You can drive without one, but if you hit a virus going the wrong way at thirty miles per hour you are gonna fly through and crack your head on the cement and be put on a respirator.
Obey Your Boss
Don't be a dick. That's most of this, just be kind. If you work in a place with COVID rules in place, that's amazing. So few people front facing do and what safety rules they do have is mandated by the profit margin or the visibility of control. If your boss says to wear a mask and not spit on people, then do that.
Your work, your family, your bible study group, even your dumbass "look at me read a book" son-in-law are part of your community. Until everyone is vaccinated please try and be kind. Be responsible. Wear a fucking mask so we can't see your dirty plague infested mouth.
*Like all other medical information, call your doctor not the library, but whatever, don't be a dick about it.
The library asks that you not come any closer lest we close this mother down.
Library’s closed. Fuck off.
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