A Guide to Library Curbside Printing
The library has implemented a new program for printing for curbside. It's a very simple fifteen step process that begins and ends with you never coming into the library. Let's work it out shall we?
1. Make a decision
The first thing you must do when printing is deciding what to print. Do you need a certain document so much to go through the next fourteen steps? Government documents, legal forms, potato soup recipes. All of these are very fine things to wish to have a hard copy of in these uncertain times. The entire filmography of the cast of Monkey Island 2 can maybe wait.
2. Have a computer
Or a smartphone. Something that can connect to the internet.
3. Connect to the internet
Use that computing device to connect to the world wide web. Sometimes this can be done with wires.
4. Go to the library's website
This can be accomplished by typing an "h" and then a "t" and then a "t" and then a "p" and then… you know what, just google "library."
5. Find the printing section
On the library website you should find a button called "Wireless Printing." Click that.
6. Read the instructions
The printing instructions should be displayed. Read them one word at a time or six if you are nasty. When you get to the bottom, re-read them again from the bottom to the top.
7. Find in the instructions the printing bit
The printing bit should be a button of some kind. In the instructions it should show you the button. Like with an arrow or just a big red box that says "Print" or something.
8. Click that button.
Click that button.
9. Upload something
Per the instructions, click something that says something about "Upload" or "Browse" or I dunno, "Gimme file." This should open a box that has all the files on your computer. Find the file you want to print and click "Open" or "Do."
10. Click the big thing
There should be a big thing that will make printing go. Like a red thing? After doing that you will see a big smiley face. It might be eating a file.
11. Call the library to make an appointment
Once the file is eaten by the library website, give us a call to set up an appointment. We will confirm the library website's tummy is full of files and that we can access them. If not, we can walk you through it again maybe. If everything's cool, come on down at the appointed time. If you cry, continue to step 12.
12. Tell yourself it's our fault
Silently or very loudly curse the heavens and the library person on the phone. Wish and hope that things could be different. Better. That the world is not how we make it. That hope is out there and within your grasp. Hope springs eternal.
13. Find a small child
Maybe a grandchild or some urchin off the street. Make it someone you trust if you can, but honestly anyone under the age of 25 should be great.
14. Let us talk to the child
They probably won't need to talk to us, but we would like to thank them.
15. Come and get it
Come down to the library and pick up your print job! Or send the child. Whatever makes you happy.
And that's it! A simple process we hope will make your life a little easier provided by your library.