Notable: Gemini Man (2019)
I read a review that said Gemini Man would have been the event ticket of the summer in 1997. I disagree. If this movie had to compete against Men in Black, Face/Off, ConAir, and Fifth Element, it would have been buried. I would have enjoyed seeing 1997 Will Smith over whoever is in the Will Smith suit these days, though. Here's the concept: Will Smith is Henry Brogan, the best shooting guy in the world, so they cloned him and are sending that clone to kill him. That's about it. It's a Smith-off, but unfortunately 25-year-old Smith did not come to play. The charismatic comic actor of 1997's Men in Black is now dour and humorless, seemingly tired of doing whatever it is he's asked to do as an actor. Ang Lee's direction is no better, with the dramatic director's sense of action too choreographed and wooden to feel dangerous. At the end of the movie, I felt little for the characters or what they went through.
If you have to see this one, wait until you can check it out at the library.
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Here are my notes, beware spoilers:
Written by David Benioff (half of Game of Thrones), Billy Ray (dude gets a pass for Overlord), Darren Lemke (someone wrote the racing snail movie?)
Directed by Ang Lee (He made a hulk!)
Starring Will Smith (aka Willennium according to autocorrect), Mary Elizabeth Winstead (The good ex, John Goodman's Basement), Clive Owen (lover of big trunks, carrots)
72 kills, that's all?
For an elite assassin in the field for half his life, it seems like his kill count would be bigger, right? That's like three people a year? He kills that many in one scene of this movie. Maybe it's just me.
Bee allergy gun
I wonder if Henry's bee allergy will come back into play? Not gonna lie, I do like the way it does come around to prove to his clone Henry is who he says he is, but the introduction is super lazy. "There's a bee, kill it!"
-- You're a great assassin guy.
"No, just allergic."
-- Wha-whaaa.
Hitman are huggers
Before you find out that all the men with the same tattoo as Henry were in the same unit, it seems a little weird they all give each other super hugs. I mean, it's kinda nice they are in touch with their feelings, but when the hardass men have this kind of support and emotional security, then what are the stakes?
She's surveillance
Here's where we answer the question: why the hell does a trained killer bring along the dock worker? She's a random secret agency agent sent to watch him… fish? Does he go out here enough to need a watcher, or do they know he's meeting with a secret friend? If they know, why's she there for longer than a day? So many pointless questions I should be distracted from asking.
Avoiding mirrors
Henry's a killer with a conscious unable to look himself in the face cause he's becoming the monster that kills without thinking. Of course we get this speech before he gets his clone sent after him.
She's toothy, bad timing
Not gonna lie, Mary Elizabeth Winstead is always reliable. Her handing Smith a handful of bad guy interrogation teeth is badass. Too bad she doesn't do much else after this.
Clive Owen Toonish
Man, they brought Clive Owen into this? Remember when he was in that movie Shoot 'Em Up, acting as an analog to Bugs Bunny, always eating carrots? Here he's the Judge from Who Framed Roger Rabbit except without any motivation beyond "Step one: create crazy clone army. Step two: nobody dies. Step three: profit."
It's kinda blaise, bored of itself
An overall comment on the movie: it's going through the motions, shooting the script, and wishing it could go home and build model ships or something. It just seems so tired and dated, everyone checking their watch until each scene ends.
Drowning by Daddy
Backstory of darkness for Henry Brogan is told to us by a nightmare where his father (maybe uncle, I dunno) threw him into the water to learn to swim. This is after we learned Clive Owen, who is only four years older than Will Smith in real life, made Smith's character swim with weights until he drowned when they were both Marines. We don't need so many "so you think you can drown" backstories.
John Wick-less, action too controlled
I love Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. It's beautiful and the fighting is meticulous. That shit does not translate to every action movie. Here, Lee's fighting feels weightless and empty, like a kid playing with toys rather than actual people getting hurt. We were promised real-type damage with the teeth scene, and then it goes away. Even the frantic "we know Tom Cruise is safe but holy shit" action from Mission Impossible is preferable to this.
Wong likes to sing
Benedict Wong is a treasure who should get to sing in every movie. In Doctor Strange, he got Beyonce and here he gets Ray Charles. A highlight sing-a-long moment.
De-aging good except mouth
Marvel has perfected the de-aging of actors. Soon the mouse in charge might let others play with the tech as well, but here Smith looks great as a twenty-five year old except when he speaks. His mouth just looks wrong and old.
AMF meaning, but Wong doesn't know
The whole movie, everyone is throwing around "AMF" as a euphemism for killing a person. Then Baron (Wong's character) asks what it means. The newcomer Danny (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) has to tell him it stands for "Adios, Motherfucker." Shouldn't that be reversed?
Formality southern
Young Smith calls Danny "ma'am," clarifying that he was taught to respect his elders. She later says he's southern based on his manners. Wasn't his dad, his primary teacher, Clive Owen? A man who is not hiding his English accent at all? How did this make it past the script stage?
Year of the Daddy Issues
Between this, Joker, and Ad Astra, I'm so over adult men with daddy issues. Dude sucked, be your own guy. Get therapy and stop blaming that shit on dead guys. In the case of Joker, I guess that's a mute point, but still. Make a friend or something.
What's around her neck?
The last section of the movie, our gang is being tracked. The whole damn movie Danny is wearing a microchip looking thing on a necklace. I kept waiting for her to turn evil, maybe kill Baron, which might have been interesting, except young Smith just cuts a tracker from old Smith’s arm. Kinda a waste to give Danny something else to do, maybe as a double double agent or something?
Sudden Terminator
The fuck when another clone shows up all armored up. Why didn't they give that shit to Junior?
Government as dysfunctional family
If you do watch this movie, and I stress that you don't, watch how each person talks to each other like the government is some kind of dysfunctional family. Mom and Dad created genetic super soldiers from the rowdy kids and now everyone is coming home for the holidays to meet the new editions. It's just dumb.
Parents just don't understand
If the movie had ended with classic Fresh Prince, I would have at least smiled. As it is, I don't want to claim that Fresh Prince is dead, but ding dong. The last scene is hard to watch, the goofiness of Junior on a college campus, Henry and Danny meeting him with a broken conversation saying "I guess the government won't destroy us after all." It's just bad and left me with a sour taste in a movie already past its expiration date.
