Noteable - The Lighthouse (2019) will introduce you to crazy mermaid sex

Written by Robert and Max Eggers (so relation)

Directed by Robert Eggers (into vvitchcraft)

Starring Willem Dafoe (cop from that movie your college roommate would not shut up about) and Robert Pattinson (he watered elephants, sparkled, and died not in that order)

When I went out as a young man to my father, I asked him "Da, how did you know you wanted to become a lighthouse keeper?" He looked off into the distance, into the pine trees of the Mississippi woods and the dark shapes in between, saying, "My first month out, just me and the old wickie, we went mad. I fucked a seagull, killed a mermaid. Made me a man. Now you look. Fucking lawn doesn't mow itself." Watching the Eggers production of The Lighthouse, the story of two men growing mad while trapped watching a lighthouse, I was inspired to make that up about my father. That's art. Eggers stark direction of the black and white images create a lasting and beautiful creation that juxtaposes the complex lies and inner turmoil in the minds of our men. Defoe and Pattinson play off each other with masterful craft, each bringing power and believability to the wild period dialog. By the end, much like me after mowing the lawn for the third time to get it right, you will be breathless and stunned.

Here are my notes, beware of spoilers:

Beautiful set

Holy crap they built this whole thing. Split between sound stages and the island, everything we see is period correct and created for the production. Everyone who worked on this gave an amazing amount of respect to not only the story but the audience to understand it.

Rules vs Knowledge, Toast

Our first true bit of combat between our trapped lighthouse keepers comes at their first meal. Pattinson knows the rules, the role each of them is supposed to play by the handbook. Defoe knows the lighthouse, knows his own experience and what he wants to accomplish. The older man also knows he wants a fucking drink and needs someone to toast him, so the two face off over drinks.

Cross sections

The shots we get of the two men living in the lighthouse are amazing, filmed almost as still images of a dollhouse. The camera floats from room to room, dissecting the lighthouse and the men's movements within it. We are watching two men live, yet they seem like toys to whatever else may be watching them.

Mermaid Dreams

Right off, Winslow finds a mermaid carving in his bunk and goes on to have some crazy ass sex dreams about a half-fish half-woman. Beware anyone you see exhibiting these symptoms.

Check Cistern

Until this movie, I did not know cisterns were still a thing. My only experience with them that I can recall is in the first Tomb Raider video game. This movie has only deepened the mystery of the cistern, allowing that seagulls fill them and chalk can clean them? No idea is what I'm saying.

ABS: Always be Smoking

Having stopped smoking almost three years ago (with some setbacks, I'm human), this is the first movie to really make me want to light up. Both characters have either a cigarette or a pipe constantly lit. One could say that when they stop smoking is when the shit really hits the fan, which I can say is accurate.

Defoe's stylized Madness

Oh do I love me some Willem Defoe going super crazy. His blustery speech about Winslow getting his payback for not doing work, for not mopping the floor properly is the first of several all time winning speeches. It's magical to watch not only because we get this guy is a dick but that he just likes to hear himself yell.

Winslow Name

Took damn near the whole first act before we start to find out names. 

Same old boring story

You know the one. Two guys go out into the wilderness, face against isolation and madness, fight a seagull and a fuck a mermaid. Heard it all before. Plus, one of them is a logger who decided to come south, like you do.

Dirty Bird

Don't kill the birds because they're the souls of lost sailors. Again, how many times are we going to hear this argument in horror movies. This is really where things go sideways, where you can say nothing may be what it seems.

Last Night Lobsters

Would have been nice to set up that they have the ability to fish, or at least catch seafood, prove they are not only isolated, but not necessary. I like the idea that they have access to the food, rare enough that it's the last day when they indulge in it. Also, this sets up one of my favorite scenes later on.

Switch pipe, light

Drunken bastards, Winslow finally indulges fully. We see them drunkenly having a good time talking, ending up with Winslow smoking Wake's pipe, a clear sign these guys are not so different after all.

Thomas Wake, Tom

Takes this much time to find out the old man's name, right up to the start of the second act.

Why not go outside? Outhouse

So the storm hits and they are trapped. Winslow has to take the bedpans out, and what the fuck are they using bedpans for? I thought those were a more city kinda thing, not a thing in places where outhouses could be easily used. I mean, I get it, you don't want to get cold and wet walking to take a dump, but to just leave it under your bed? And come on, they've set up  this whole island with machinery to run that lighthouse and they can't build an attachment that sends poop out into the sea without someone hand carrying it? Maybe this bothered me more than the rest.

Mermaid on Beach

Of course, now we get our first real touch of madness. Winslow has been pleasuring himself to the statue of a mermaid, so why not envision one splayed out on the rocks? And she's calling to him, sure she is. What beautiful naked sea creature wouldn't like a dude that throws his shit at her?

Storm set in Madness?

Yeah, I started reaching for symbolism. My sixth grade English teacher would be proud. The storm symbolizes the combative elements within each man and within the lighthouse. A plus symbolism.

Buried Rations

Now I want to bury a crate of booze somewhere on my property.

Gaslighting and drunk

These two drunk guys start talking, and we get how the madness is really seeping in. We've been lead to believe, what with all the mermaid fixations, that Winslow is the more pliable of the two. Well, except for the naked light dancing, but whatever. Then we see Wake start to lay into Winslow, telling him things the viewer saw were not real. And we believe him, right? I mean, we saw that mermaid and she's… she's not… Oh shit. Wake is talking about things he was there for, so who is lying to whom?

Fuck a steak

I do not remember the full context, but I'm pretty sure this lead to the tirade against Wake's cooking which, well...

Hell of a curse

Holy fuck I wish I was as verbose as this old creepy dude when giving out curses. Man, didn't you like the lobsters? No? Well, may the sea gods and all from below rise and crush you into the filthy atoms that your dirty whore mother put together with whiskey and a foul mouth. I'm working on it.

Queer way to wear your shoes

Made me laugh, Winslow sneaking up on Wake to steal the keys to the lighthouse. He's acting quiet, so he put his shoes in his back pockets rather than, oh, leave them downstairs. Wake waking up, saying "Queer way to wear your shoes" got a chuckle for sure. 

Gone mermaid sex crazy

New standard in insanity. "S/He's gone mermaid sex crazy" is now part of my lexicon.

A drunken dance

We've all had those nights when we've been trapped on an island with a crazy old bastard, forced to do hard labor or lose wages, and finally get down to some drunk dancing. Just the best.

Tom Howard, killed by omission

The twists start hard around the third act with truths coming out. Our man Winslow is not in fact Winslow but Tom Howard. The real Winslow was a dude Tommy was logging with. Tommy watched the man slip between some logs in a river and drown (see Nolan's Insomnia for that nightmare scenario). Not liking his own existence and having some demons, Tommy took Winslow's identity and went on to be a lighthouse keeper. Wonder what else he's lying about?

Naked Light image

More Defoe and lighthouse imagery. Think on that.

House wrecked

The storm has really hit, the men at their end. They do not protect the lighthouse house (?), not boarding up the windows. Waves come crashing in and destroy their little set up, tossing everything all around. It's a picture perfect image for their relationship: everything out in the open, thrown all around, in total disarray.

Way with words, Tommy

Another dry Defoe delivery that's amazing. Tommy lets loose on the old man, giving him a poor rendition of the seadog's "you suck" speech. Wake comes back with this to shut the kid down. It's brilliant and simple.

Now Roll Over

So you wanna know how to treat a dude like a pure shit? Tommy/Winslow beats the old man down, ties a rope around his neck, and treats him like a dog. Then he leads him out where they dug up the booze and buries the old bastard. Alive. Wake's talking the whole time, grit in his mouth, all fucked up. Yeah, he goes full ax crazy in a bit, but Tommy/Winslow means to put the man down and boy does he.

Food for Birds

Our parting shot. Tommy/Winslow has bested the old man, stolen his keys, and got a look at the light at the top of the tower. Going mad, he falls down the steps and is feasted on by the gulls. It's tragic and haunting, also reminiscent of Prometheus as any first year grad student will tell you. The man stole fire from the gods, so then he must lie defeated getting his entrails eaten by birds. There's a dark poetry in all this that's enveloping.