16 Objectionable Things in Cocaine Bear (2023)

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Decades from now, space children will go to their space parents and ask what would happen if a giant furry murder machine was given stimulating substances. If there is any justice in the world, a DVD will still exist and those children will watch Cocaine Bear until the laser burns a groove in the disc. Based on the barest hint of truth, a bunch of cocaine is dumped in the wilderness where a bear becomes my college roommate* and kills several people. A gory mess of a movie with several laughs, the movie contains many things people might find objectionable, including: 

  1. Existing in the 1980s

  2. Littering from a plane

  3. Feeding wildlife

  4. Drinking and bad tattoos

  5. Skipping school

  6. Language including fuck, damn, and probably some other shit like the Lord's name

  7. Talk of sex including dusty beavers

  8. Drug use by minors

  9. Improper use of cocaine by minors

  10. Bathroom violence

  11. improper use of a firearm to the head

  12. Ambulance abuse and unsafe driving while being beared

  13. Lying to a police officer

  14. Police officer lying

  15. Teaching bad food habits to young, including improper preparation of offal

  16. Using cocaine like Popeye uses spinach

*Jeff didn't kill nobody. He just had substance problems.