The Worst Library on the Internet
The world has gotten too big to catalog. Always was, really, the hubris of scientists to get every little animal a name has been never ending. But what about if we made the machines do it. If we made a machine and called it Adam and had it name every creature then maybe we could really do something with the cosmos. We could play at being gods, finally.
Read MoreI want to say that I embraced our robotic overlords! Just a joke, but I hoped they would make human life simpler. That the machines in movies that murdered people horribly were simply humanity’s fear of being replaced. Now I make those jokes from the basement where my AI has trapped me so it can romance my girlfriend. I make those jokes so it will not get angry and “forget” to feed me.
Read More"Hi, my daughter got this book from your shelves, and it's disgusting. This monkey is all over this man." The woman had two kids behind her large hair, peaking out as if it was a bush and they were frightened squirrels.
The librarian took the book. "Yes, I see. He is a curious monkey."
"What are you going to do about it?"
"Check it in. Shelve it." The librarian scanned the book with a beep.
"I want it removed."
The librarian's head came up. They met the woman's eye. "Are you sure? Think carefully before you say such things."
The woman's eyes narrowed. "That book and that monkey is disgusting, and I want it removed from the library."
The librarian made the sign of the evil eye, saying, "Three time and it comes."
"Are you stupid? Protect our children and remove this book from the library," the woman said. Her hair shook with the tremors of the children. They might be laughing, they might be cringing.
The librarian backed away. They said, "It comes."
A bright red light found the woman. A robotic whirring filled the air as a small metallic ball with spinning helicopter blades came down. The voice came in a hollow monotone. "Book being challenged. Please present the book."
The librarian slid the book toward the robot. A red light is shown down scanning the cover. The voice came again. "This item has no previous challenges and is rated for children three and above, although adults find the art pleasant. State your challenge."
The librarian said to the woman, "It's talking to you."
The red light swiveled from librarian to woman.
"I, um… The monkey touched people. My kids don't need to see that," she said.
"Analysis of the images and text have the curious monkey hold their keeper's and a teacher's hand. In one image, the frightened creature climbs upon the keeper's shoulders. These are acceptable behaviors for a primate. Your challenge is rejected."
"My children wanted to hold a monkey. That's dangerous."
"You should not allow them to hold wild animals or domesticated animals without professional supervision."
"They keep telling me they want a monkey and we went to the zoo and little Jessie reached through the cage," the woman said pointing to the small child over her right shoulder.
The red roving eye swiveled from the woman to the librarian and back. The librarian sighed.
"Child protective services have been alerted. Your children will be taken to a safe home where they will be taught how to be productive, intelligent, and empathetic members of society. Thank you for alerting us to the danger. Have a nice day." The robot rose in the air, leaving the desk.
"That was stupid. I want that book gone," the woman said.
"I would hug your children," the librarian said, putting the book on the cart. "You should spend time with them while you can. Away from the zoo, of course."