The Worst Library on the Internet
Some movies belong in that fridge category. You watch them and then late at night your tummy is rumbly. You get up and while standing in front of the refrigerator a thought crosses your mind about the movie and you're like "oh, man that's what they meant by that?" Then if you are like me you eat a burrito and go to bed. Annihilation will make you think twice about the burrito.
Read MoreWhat would you do if you could go back in time? Run around and steal shit? Can't say that cause that's my thing. I'm time stealing guy. Most of you dumbasses are like "hur hur I'd kill Hitler" but no you wouldn't because there's plenty of evil bastards out there right now killing hundreds of people and you're reading this. So killing is out, but would you save someone?
Read MoreWhat would happen if you had to write an autobiography? Would you start at the beginning? You ain't dead yet, so you won't finish. And what do you say? Tell stories about people that might not be dead yet and have a damn awkward Christmas until Uncle Rob get drunk and decides to tell MawMaw exactly what happened in the coat closet in fourth grade? You could see how it could be a problem.
Read MoreSecrets. We all got'em. We keep them in, we put them away, we let them die silent deaths one at a time. If they come back, we can attempt to hide them or we can do the right thing. Most movies are about the former, the machinations of characters struggling with themselves and outside forces. Locke is about the latter and all the fallout that happens.
Read MoreWhat does it take for violence to become acceptable? When mob mentality is not only the right thing to do but the necessary thing? When the disenfranchised and hurt can stand up and say, not today, asshole! Sometimes it just takes some loud noise and a few bad words.
Read MoreWhat do you do when a movie actively wants you to hate the main character? They cast a charming person then have him make a decidedly human yet wrong decision and then leave us to deal with it. I haven't been this conflicted since that Jude Law remake of Alfie. Damn you, Chris Pratt. You could have been a good villain.
Read MoreRight off the bat, we can all agree this is one of the most cringing, stressful episodes of television ever created, right? This episode is the beginning of the end of Ned Stark and the near destruction of the Starks as a whole. Everyone plays hard games here and the winners focus on their legacies over their honor.
Read MoreAll of us felt a little awkward growing up. Some more than others. That little inside voice said that something about us was wrong, broken, gross. When we talked to the dead, even our families were all "get a hobby, weirdo." What I'm saying is I finally found a movie I can connect with in ParaNorman.
Read MoreWhat if we had little people running around in our heads directing the action? Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust, and Fear all pushing buttons. Forcing issues. At least you'd then have someone to blame, right?
Inside a little girl named Riley are the personifications of the five base emotions. They've grown up with her, formed her personality, and helped her maintain her composure. First among them is Joy. Joy dominates to a degree far above the others, making the best of every situation to the detriment of Sadness.
Riley's family moves from wintery land (I forget where but there was hockey) to San Francisco. With all the changes, Joy begins to lose control. Forcing the issue, her and Sadness are cast into the mind out of the control room. They must fight their way to get back, finding old imaginary friends and riding trains of thought. The movie's real clever.
The central theme of the movie is embracing sadness. It sounds like a bad theme, but it works. Throughout the film, Joy forces the issue. Hides behind platitudes and tries to protect old happy memories from turning sad. But then we learn without the sadness, how do we know about the joy? We learn depression is not the absense of happiness or overwhelming sadness, but a shutdown of all emotions. That the most dangerous thing the human mind has to fear is itself.
Also, it made me care about a goddamn thing monster called Bing Bong. So it's got that going for it.
It's hard to face sometimes a long ago childhood innocence. Saturday morning cartoons that looked so bright and shiny, staying that way in memory. Don't look back if you want that shine to last. Of course, others can look back and deconstruct and make you remember the best parts.
Read MoreVery rarely does a book retain the ability to be interesting way before it wears out its welcome. The Nix keeps on going well into the night much like a library patron with just one last question ten minutes after you close. You want it to go, need it to be done, but okay, why not?
Read MoreThe image of standing in a square, a tall bride all in white, money piling up around her feet. The image of a woman at a piano, half naked, fans voices and her voice mixing in a chaotic chorus. The image of someone driving at night, listening to the story of an artist, throwing a newspaper at a deer because fuck that deer. Life is weird.
Read MoreIt's kinda breathtaking to realize that you are not smart enough to get something. Kinda takes the weight off. Just right off the bat, confronted with a title, I must admit defeat because I can't even spell Synecdoche, New York even though I just did.
Read MoreWhy did I think this movie was directed by Robert Rodriguez? Did he have something to do with it and I'm blanking out. I seriously thought this was the missing piece of the Rodriguez oeuvre that would tie everything together for me. As it stands, it did not tie anything together.
Read MoreMan, where do loyalties lie, amiright? I mean, who can you trust when people have been stabbed in the streets and kidnapped in hotels? Maybe you stick with your baby daddy when he takes you for the home visit? This episode of Westeros Party Ponies shows everyone where they lie while the secrets keep coming.
Read MoreHow many movies are there about good police officers? Just regular people that just so happen to get involved in a story. I can think of just one: Only the Lonely starring John Candy that's a romantic comedy wherein Candy happens to be a Chicago police officer, a regular beat cop. Every other movie is about a crazy cop that doesn't play by the rules. Bad Lieutenant is the concentrate version of that police officer.
Read MoreKing's are made and broken and we learn that power is super fluid.
Read MoreThe bad ladies of accapella are back and we all understand how it is to be embarrassed, right?
Read MoreYou know if you like this or not so just go watch it.
Read MoreWhen you can't get Jack the Ripper, get this guy.
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