The Worst Library on the Internet
One of you sent me a story that's been floating around about a Maryland prison banning the Game of Thrones books because they have maps in them. This prompted a discussion in the library.
How would you end Game of Thrones if you could not find out the ending due to some arbitrary bureaucratic nonsense?
Read MoreHaving food poisoning and driving a car might seem like a bad combination, and I am here to tell you they are. If you can avoid getting food poisoning, I suggest you do. If you do get food poisoning, stay out of your car for all of our sakes.
Read MoreOver at the University of Southern Denmark in the country of Denmark, they found book that could kill people. Not some incendiary texts like Mein Kampf full of crazy stupid ideas of harm, but actual books with poison on them.
Read MoreThe other day I am sitting at the reference desk and a student of the local college comes up and interrupts my game of Minecraft. The kid in question asks for help finding sources for a reference paper.
Read MoreThe end of the world has to come at some point, right? Fire and death or just a general slow spin to the stop, the big ball of dirt has to go barren at some point. For the last few centuries, that is The Apocalypse.
Read MoreThe annual American Library Association conference has come and gone. New Orleans took the brunt this year, the warm wild city welcoming librarians from all over as well as Michelle Obama and Emilio Estevez. I for one am excited with how Young Guns 3 seems to be shaping up.
Read MoreIt's that time of year where all the important or lucky librarians get sent off to the American Library Association's Annual Conference. The rest of us get left behind. Gotta do something, so why not go to the movies?
Read MoreRemember back in the day when the office party would be raging and Brenda would drop her pants and hop up on the copy machine? Me neither, library holiday parties have never been ragers. But that butt copy has always been a temptation, huh? Maybe not for long. Old tech dies with each generation, speeding up. Here are thirteen reasons why your library no longer needs a copy machine.
Read MoreThoughts of New Orleans are coming to mind this week as the annual ALA conference comes up. I will admit, I am a lot homesick and wishing I could be there.
Read MoreWhen I was little, I loved summer reading. I would go down to the library and other kids would actually be there. I got to fill out a form and tell all about the books I had been reading.
Read MoreMike Myers the comedian once said in the movie So I Married an Axe Murderer that most Scottish meals are based on a dare. Cooking in the South is based often on hope.
My mother taught me to cook the traditional way. She'd say, "ST, use the microwave if you don't want cereal. We're late for school."
Read MoreThe end of a movie is like desert to a dinner. Some of them make you shit the bed.
Read MoreJason wakes up in a world without a sky. Check out this cliche story that by the end will have you wondering.... Wait, are we still in a dream? SHARED DREAM: It'll make you SLEEPY.
Read MoreFrom the year 2000 to 2003, I worked in a lot of varied jobs to pay my rent while I went to college. A lot of those jobs were in kitchens, those hot and sweaty and crowded dens of iniquity. Years after, I read Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain and was transported to those times and those people with a strange sense of nostalgia and love. This past week Mr. Bourdain took his own life, casting my mind back to other memories of that time.
Read MoreThe man stacked books. They started small. A few little book stacks on tables here and there left at the end of the day. People do that. Shelver Becca called me in one day to look at them.
Read MoreEarlier today, I checked the library suggestion box.
Don't ever check the library suggestion box. Just let the damn thing sit there and get full. When it's full, take it to the back, further back past the circulation librarian's office, past the technical services desk, past the table with tape all over it because that's how you fix books. Take it to the back dark corner of the workroom and set it down.
Next you need a metal trash can. If you do not have a metal trash can, can you even call yourself a library?
Take the metal trash can and drag it over to the dark corner in the back of the library. If there is anything in the metal trash can not worth burning, take it out.
Start a fire with your library-issued chrome lighter. Use what you can, but make it hot and make it burn. Broken pallets work best or pine wood for scent.
When the yellow and orange cleansing bath has been drawn, pick up the suggestion box. Hold it tight and close to the flames. Lid out, at an angle, open the box.
There may be a force from the escaping suggestions. Allow the box to cradle in your arm, much like a baby attempting to get down but a baby that needs to eat. Eat baby, eat, you say as you tip the open suggestion box forward to the fire.
When you are done, feel free to return the box to the circulation desk. It's presence makes people feel better. As if they are being listened to.
If you have a question or comment for the library, reach out to us on our contact page, twitter, or email. Never Facebook or its hell spawn Instagram. Or maybe.
I know you know that the library has a podcast about books that have been banned or challenged or holy shit I'm not doing that. What you might not know is that we write fiction!
Read MoreFor the last few days, I've been on an audio book binge on Nick Cutter. If you don't know the name but like horror novels, boy howdy you're about to get excited.
Read MoreThree episodes down in this season and we might, might get a fight soon. Mostly everyone is postering and blowing smoke up each other's asses. For the most part, though, this episode is all about leadership and the eternal question of who has the power and who deserves it.
The news paper thunked against the front steps of the library and bounced into the bushes. Evan sighed, put the car in park, and got out. He crossed the library lawn to get the paper where it needed to go.
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