Iron Man and Avengers: Infinity War (2018) Had People Keep Showing Up
The review so long that I split it up. Here we have an overview of my feelings on spoilers, Spider-Man, and Iron Man’s portion of the film. More to come!
Read MoreGame of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 3 Review, "What Is Dead May Never Die"
Everybody's setting up someone on this episode of fantasy geopolitical camp. Tyrion's teaching school in King's Landing while Theon and Arya are learning lessons. Let's travel around and see what everybody learned.
Read MoreDear Vendor from a Company That is Not ReferenceUSA,
Dear vendor from a company similar but is not at all ReferenceUSA,
Nobody wants your shit. Nobody. Not my grandma, not my little brother, not any of the other people I make up to deny you. Not a single person on this material plane or the next.
Read MoreDirections for Solving the Library's Escape Room
You find yourself in a locked room. Two bookcases are along one wall. A door is across from them. The door has a dozen locks, all different and all requiring a code, key, or fingerprint. The door is solid as the walls. In the corner, you hear the hiss of air from a vent.
To escape this room, do the following:
Read MoreLibrary Llorona
I guess you'll know the end when it comes, she said.
I did not know what the hell she was talking about. The end of what, I said.
The woman in the blue dress smiled and became beautiful with that smile. Her teeth brightened, her eyes sparkled, her cheeks filled with color. Her face leaned in.
Read MoreObjects in the Library
The library walls are filled with forgotten items. A few of them have stories, going back to the beginning. Here are my favorites:
Read MoreRampage (2018) felt too self aware that it was a big animal fight club movie
Look, I'm gonna say it so nobody else has to: people like to watch animals fight. Man vs Man is the most common of our movie going experiences, but the wide world out there in real life pits man against beast, chicken versus chicken, dog versus dog, and tortoise versus hare. With Rampage, we see a full acknowledgement of this with The Rock versus Flying Porcupine Wolf, Warthog Alligator, and Big Ape.
Read MoreLet's Have a Chat, Lost Pizza Man
What makes you think you can walk into my library carrying a pizza and not having a clue who it's for?
That's pretty fucked up, Brett.
Read MoreGame of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 2 Review "The Night Lands"
Secrets are being spilled, plans are being made, and a lot of people are finding out who they really are in this episode of Game of Thrones. We're kinda all over Westeros with a cursory check in with Dany. For the most part, Tyrion is taking his job seriously while Theon is learning his pirate nature.
Read MoreThe Call is Coming From Inside the Library
Celeste sent the children away as the phone rang. Celeste waited like she was taught and caught it on the second ring. Thank you for calling the library. This is Celeste. How may I help you? she said.
The person on the other end of the phone let out a gasp and then a long shuddering sigh.
Read MoreLost and Found
She leaned over the railing and called, I think there's someone left in the building.
Who?
Somebody. Maybe the lady from the second floor?
I thought she left. She was talking to a group of students and I think she left, he said looking up to where the librarian leaned over the railing with a puzzled look on her face.
Read MoreA Quiet Place (2018) makes a loud impression. See what I did? Fun with antonyms
I'll admit it, I laughed out loud at the opening to this flick. It's in the trailer, sort of, so spoiler alert or whatever but when that kid got ate I put out a nice loud "ha!" I'm not saying I'm not damaged, I'm just saying that shit was funny after a dozen trailers of build up. It's nice to be surprised once in awhile.
Read MoreThe Printer is Down
On a cold afternoon in a small town library the public printer shook and groaned and its lights went out. A smell floated in the air mixing the acrid tinge of ozone with the oily plastic grease of melting ink. A man stood over the printer, thumbs in the pockets of his jeans, and said, Well, shit.
Read MoreA Big Damn Display
The library director took in the whole thing. It loomed. Spread along a wall twenty feet long. A wall that had to be passed by patrons and staff alike. She tried to see it as one piece but could only find a section here, faces and items on display. She said, It's a really big damn display.
Read MoreThat Key Doesn't Work
The two men stood in front of the door. One had the key in his hand, forcing it to the locked door with a key lock and a keypad. The other stood by with his arms crossed.
Read MoreGame of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 1 "The North Remembers"
Season 2 of Game of Thrones started out without its main engine, yet revved along quite nice from the start. Ned Stark was the centerpiece of season one, sticking right there on the box art, but this season we are all about five kings warring for crowns. And whatever the hell they make Dany do. This episode showed most of our main characters making power plays, focusing their efforts on goals mighty and meek.
Read MoreOld Coffee
She poured the dark liquid from the pot to the cup. Tasted it. Bitter and broken in her mouth, cool but not cold as if she put a snake that wormed and pooled and bit. The coffee had been in the pot for a while.
She poured out the pot and ran the water. It ran brown and the faucet shuddered. She turned it off and back on, more shudder and no water.
Read MoreDeath of Stalin (2017) will make you cackle if you have the patience to believe that it will make you cackle
Historic dramas have always been money in the bank. Get some well known actor, cover him in old looking stuff, and tell a fake story involving true people. Drama ensues because that's what people make. Get two or more people together and they shit themselves with drama. Historic comedies, though, are super rare because nobody wants to make people important enough to talk about into a bunch of raging assholes, aka real people. Death of Stalin doesn't mind so much.
Read MoreDog Day Afternoon (1975) might be the best non-heist movie of all time
A group of criminals with a plan find themselves in problem solving mode when everything goes wrong. That's the definition of most heist movies. The leads are charismatic, the side characters are quirky, and the plot often leads with a slow clap. That's how they did it, you say, and walk from the theater thinking if only you could be that cool. Dog Day Afternoon is what would happen if you actually did try a heist.
Read MoreGame of Thrones, Season 1, Episode 10 "Fire and Blood" makes damn sure you'll swear an oath to come back next season
It's really hard to keep a group of friends together, you know? You hang out all summer, working hard at that chicken finger job, and when school starts you all pledge to do it again next year. But really, look around. You're all a bunch of dipshits with no honor and your oaths mean nothing, unlike this episode of Game of Thrones where everyone's honor is held high and oaths mean everything.
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